The Price of Change

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

This quote by Maria Robinson struck me. It holds so much meaning and truth.  After reading this quote, I was instantly reminded of the book Pandemonium, by Lauren Oliver. In this book, Lena, (the protagonist of the story,) has gone to “the wilds”. This is a place where people who still have the ability to love, reside.  These people are called “uncureds”. In Lena’s world the Government of the society forces people to have brain surgery to remove their ability to feel love. Lena wishes to avoid this surgery herself and to protect those she loves from this fate. In the process of getting to “the wilds” Lena loses all things that have meaning to her. Lena learns that she must not dwell on the past, but she must use it to strengthen herself, and push her to get rid of the cure that has already torn her world apart.  

While in the “wilds”, Lena is taken care of by the “Invalids,” (those who inhabit the “wilds” and are against the “cure”). When she first meets Raven, one of the Invalids, Lena asks her about her past. Raven responds by saying, “everything you were, the life you had, the people you knew… dust. There is no before. There is only now and what comes next.” It seems that Raven thinks this, because the people she is with now do not judge her based on her past. The people she is with now do not need to know her past. Raven doesn’t realize though, how the past does influence her to make many choices in the present. Without the events of the past, she wouldn’t be where she is today, a leader fighting to change the world. Pandemonium makes the point throughout the book that past experiences should be remembered but not dwelled upon.  

An example from my life that can be related to this is my competitive swimming. I know I did not practice as much as I should have before a meet and as a result my time was slower then I would have liked it to be. I cannot change the results of this swim meet, but can use the past to motivate me to train harder for the next meet.

Lena starts off knowing practically nothing about Raven. For this reason Lena cannot judge Raven based on Raven’s past. I think another reason Raven did not want to share her past, was because she thought that by erasing her past, whether good or bad, she could start her life over more easily. Sometimes I feel this way- sometimes I wish I could erase the little mistakes of yesterday, and start today with a clean slate. That math grade from yesterday may just simply weigh me down, making it hard for me to focus on what I have to do NOW to get a better grade on the next test. I realize that I can only use the past as a motivator. I can just apply what I should have done in the past to what I should do in the future.

In Pandemonium, Lena herself often thinks about her past, however, she tries to forget about it. She understands Raven’s rationale about how dwelling on the past does not help to improve a situation. So Lena does try to forget about the boy she had grown to love, Grace, her cousin, and Hana her best friend-all the things that mattered to her most- but she cannot forget them. This is the reason she eventually decides to join the resistance, and help fight to get rid of the “cure”. I know I often do this myself, think about something I lost, and apply the anger, frustration, and love towards it to help me achieve my goal. For example, sometimes if I’m frustrated by something that’s happened in school one day, and it turns out I have swim practice that night, I try to apply the energy of my frustration into my practice. Lena does this too and it motivates her to sacrifice in order to change her situation.

Lauren Oliver makes it clear how much Lena loved the things in her past that she no longer has, they destroy her every time she thinks about how she lost them. The impact this has on her makes me believe that Lauren Oliver is trying to convey to readers that great changes come with a price. Things have to be sacrificed. Time has to be spent. Pain has to be endured. The past has to linger in the distance, out of focus, but still there.